Every single day I'm being presented with a number of new realizations that really have my brain going amok. It's an interesting feeling to acknowledge that you're growing up - even if I'm not totally ready to do so.
I'm a sophomore in college constantly being asked "What do you want to do once you get your degree?" "What internships are you looking into?" "Are you thinking of attending graduate school?"
All of my questions have one response: "I don't know".
Except, I feel as though it's almost expected or required that I, Kayra, must know. But I don't. I'm 19 and I want to lay in bed and watch Grey's Anatomy all day. But I'm realizing that in doing so, I won't achieve my full potential - the potential that people seem to be recognizing in me.
It's weird, isn't it? How everyone around you can predict how successful you'll be and can foresee how your hard work will help you in the long run? Meanwhile, I'm thinking about how I'll film my school's football game on Saturday, fulfill my RA duties, get to work on time, complete two essays and study for two other midterms in one weekend. Sometimes, I don't want people to expect anything from me because I'm scared to disappoint anyone. In the same token, all I'm thinking is "Everyone better get ready, because I'm about to be BIG". It's also odd how we as college students know that this hard work will pay off, but don't know how. Where is all of this going to take me? Will it all be worth it?
There are days where I wish I didn't have any obligations, but what fun would that be? So I wonder, "Why do we work ourselves in the way that we do?" I've discovered that it's the feeling when I've successfully completed a task is what I love the most. I complain, and complain, and complain. But once that midterm is finished, or my 3.5 hour shift at work is over (and that direct deposit comes through :] ), I feel so... GOOD.
To all of my fellow college students, I have no idea where in the world we'll end up, but let's hope that these long nights, 12 page papers, 6 hour shifts and all of the other aspects of college that don't exactly make total sense to us, work out. Working hard has tangible benefits, but the intangibles are so valuable. That feeling at the end of a long day when you're finally in bed relaxing is why we work so hard. Knowing that you were productive and something positive will come from your hard work is why we put in the effort, even if the the end goal is sort of fuzzy.
Keep your chins up!
producer / writer / artist