i've been crying

Disclaimer - I don't want your advice, opinion, help or supposed positivity. Just read and reflect.
​Thank You.

Yes. It's true - I've been crying.

For those of you who know me personally know that I don't like to "feel" things. I look at life from a literal perspective and take it lightly. Life: It's not a dream, there's no happy ending, it's unpredictable and undefined; so I'd rather not look at it any differently and 'feel' things only to be disappointed by reality.

Due to the fact that I expect the inevitable, I'm rarely surprised. I'm a Communications major. We're taught to put our feelings aside and relay the message while remaining objective. I keep up with current events and analyze how stories are written without getting my feelings involved, but lately, I've been crying.

I've been crying because of the hate filled world that we live in. I've been crying because I realized how desensitized you have to be to cope with what's happening and the ultimate price that comes with desensitization. Lack of love, lack of unity, lack of support, lack of humanity. To realize where the long road is headed is terrifying. People are hating others because of their beliefs, skin tone, gender, personal choices and the list goes on.

There is a terrorist group whose sole purpose is to induce the "End" and inherit the Earth while simultaneously seeking revenge and power. There are people associating an entire Faith with this group and verbally and physically abusing ALL who are associated with that Faith. 

Innocent children are taking long treks across the Middle East and Europe seeking safety and refuge and being turned away at every corner. Their hometowns are being destroyed- their history, their safety, their HOME is being taken from them. I've been crying because at some point I agreed with the Republican party who thinks we should protect our border and not allow any refugees fearing my own safety. 

My own hometown is filled with killers and witnesses refusing to testify out of "loyalty" but begging for "justice" and "change". My generation has turned so cold that everything that needs to be taken seriously has turned into a joke and people are "too sensitive". There's nothing funny about bombing innocent people. There's nothing cute about French flag stained profile pictures. There's no humor in helpless people being washed up on the shores of foreign countries. There's nothing to laugh about when those who are Muslim are being generalized as terrorists and being abused due to ignorance and hatred.

I've been crying because I thought I wanted children, and now I can never see myself bring life into a dying world.

I've been crying because at some point I want to feel things for a significant other, but I can't. I'm growing up in an era where everyone feels they have something to prove. No one wants to be sensitive, no one wants to allow themselves to love, no one wants to commit.
 
I've been crying because there doesn't seem to be a way out of this. Ignore the terrorists? That won't make them stop. Fight back? You're helping to achieve ultimate oblivion. Give In? Pshh. 

Everyone wants to be positive and remain hopeful, but the fact of the matter is, that won't happen. Whether it's terrorists, racism, bigotry, misogyny, etc. it won't go away. And all we do is argue about which cause is more important as if that's the issue. Before we shut up and acknowledge what's ACTUALLY happening, we find more negativity to add to an already toxic situation. It's sickening. People are sickening and I'm thoroughly trying to find the point of it all, but I might as well be searching for a needle in a haystack.

Reality is sad. I'm sad. So, I've been crying.