consistently inconsistent

I recently posted a photo on my insta story with the caption: "consistently inconsistent".

I'm not too sure where the motivation to write those words even came from, as I was far more concerned with the fact that I really got my edges to lay down like that. It was narcissistic and premature, however, I've found a purpose in such a pointless caption.

"consistently inconsistent" was a subconscious message to myself revealing that I have serious commitment issues. So many issues, in fact, that I have approached a moment in my life where I finally have somewhat of a stable routine, and I have an overwhelming desire to change it.

This was no problem in college, as I was pretty limited in the things that I could manipulate. Your life is like the prix-fixe option on the brunch menu. You can make some choices for a decent price, but not as many as you could should you decide to just order whatever you want.

Your life beyond college is the latter option.

There are so. many. choices. 

In the wake of being presented the choices, is having to make an actual decision.

This is where the anxiety sets in.

What if I make the wrong choice? What if I decide to order the turkey burger and hate it entirely?

Now I'm stuck.

The beauty of all this is that it really doesn't last. You finish the meal and you go on to make more choices.

Everything is a choice.

Your life up until this moment is a culmination of choices that you made.

I feel like the intensity of this moment is the fact that we're able to make these choices with no supervision. Growing up, our parents and teachers overlooked our moves to ensure that we were growing into decent humans. We made choices, but for the most part, we had the safety net of our families and communities to compensate for any 'bad' decisions we made.

​Now, you become an adult and everyone turns a blind eye (they don't even give you money like that any more!!) and you're expected to make these decisions on your own.

And it's liberating.
And it's terrifying.
And it's enlightening.
And it's overwhelming.

And when the reality sets in that the rest of your life is going to look like this, you can either decide to own your choices, or let them own you.

Either way, you have to make a choice.

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